When we convince ourselves that we can't find the right mate, we try to make the one we have into the one we want.  There are two ways to do this.  First, we need to see who we have and tell ourselves they are someone different.  The other way is to try and fix what we have.  Neither idea works.  When we are not honest with ourselves about who our mate really is, we end up disillusioned and disappointed.  It is not their fault, it is our own.  We must be clear about what we want from a relationship whether it is social, business or intimate.  Then we must make a decision to wait for exactly what we want.  If who we have is not who we want, say so! It is not our job to change the other person.  If we buy a pair of shoes and they do not fit, should we wear them and suffer or take them back to the store.

  --  Iyanla Vanzant